Ten reasons why having virtually all vehicles on London roads would be an outstanding idea:
1. You could walk down Oxford Street or Regent Street without needing an oxygen mask;
2. Birds would stop falling out of the sky, asphyxiated, when they crossed the M25;
3. It would be quiet enough to hear the sweet song of birds, or at least the raucous yelling of seagulls;
4. Everyone would be able to hear the music they are playing in their cars, instead of it being drowned by the engine noise;
5. Cyclists will be able to hear you when you shout at them;
6. You will be able to hear what they cyclists are shouting at you;
7. All the other drivers will be able to hear the conversation you are having with the cyclist;
8. Watching tourists trying to scurry across the road through the traffic becomes even funnier;
9. London would insouciantly brush off rising oil prices, except in the square mile of the City;
10. Forget custom ring tones – think custom ersatz engine noises…